A Christianity That Works

Preached by Rev. Ed Brouwer at The Gathering Place, Osoyoos
Pulpit Series Volume 18, Issue 12, April 27, 2008

Part IX “How To Relate Wisely To People”
Every day you encounter many different kinds of people. Some are delightful, some difficult. Some are inspiring, others irritating. I read a bumper sticker that said, “The more time I spend with people, the more I love my horse”.

The fact is, a lot of the problems we have in life are because of personality conflicts. It's very important that we learn how to get along with other people. Again, we look to James for some practical advice.

James 3:13-18

Verse 18 is the key verse. “And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.”

James says, every day, in every relationship, you're planting seeds. Seeds of anger, jealousy, peace, confidence, insecurity.
You will inevitably reap what you sow in your relationships.

We need to learn how to be wise in the way we act toward people. In verse 13 James says, that wisdom is a lifestyle.

It has nothing to do with your intelligence. It has everything to do with your relationships and your character. “Who is wise and understanding among you. Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom.”

Not a matter of what you say with your lips, but a matter
of what you live with your life. Not a matter of your words, but of your works. How you get along with other people shows how wise you really are.

Wisdom has more to do with character in relationships than it has to do with education and intelligence. James says lack of wisdom causes problems - all kinds of problems. Verse 14 says “If you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart don't boast about it and deny the truth. Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, even of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition there you find disorder and every evil practice.”

Lack of wisdom causes all kinds of disorder and problems. In verse 17 James lists the characteristics of wise people.

“But wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all:
· pure
· peace loving
· considerate
· submissive
· full of mercy and good fruit
· impartial
· sincere

1. If I’m wise…..I WILL NOT COMPRO- MISE MY INTEGRITY

“The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure.” Pure means uncorrupted, authentic, genuine. If I'm wise, I'm not going to lie to you, I'm not going to cheat you, I'm not going to manipulate you. I'll be a person of integrity because all relationships are built on trust and respect.

The man of integrity walks securely, because he doesn't say one thing to one group and something else to another group. If I am wise I will not compromise my integrity.

2. If I’m wise…..I WILL NOT ANTAGO- NIZE YOUR ANGER

I won't make you angry. Wise people work at maintaining harmony. “Wisdom is peace loving”. Have you ever met someone who is always arguing, always looking for a fight?

Proverbs 20:3 “Any fool can start arguments. The wise thing is to stay out of them.”

Three things can cause arguments:
a) Comparing
“Why can't you be like …”
“When I was your age…”
“My first husband…”

b) Condemning
“It's all your fault”
“You should be ashamed”
“You always, You never, You ought to, You should.., You shouldn't..”

Someone said, “You can bury a marriage with a lot of little digs.”

c) Contradicting
How do you like to be interrupted in the middle of a sentence? It's irritating.

It has been said that “the secret of wisdom is knowing what to overlook.”

3. If I am wise…..I WON'T MINIMIZE YOUR FEELINGS

“Wisdom is considerate” meaning “mindful of the feelings of others”.

Proverbs 15:4 “Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit.”

Typically when we react to people's emotions, we say things that hurt. Often we belittle their feelings. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they are just feelings. When my wife has a feeling, it's valid, whether it's logical or whether it makes
sense. The fact is she feels it. If I'm wise, I'm not going to minimize that.

“My day can beat your day”! A husband comes home worn out and starts complaining. “The traffic was bad, my boss got upset, the air conditioning went out.” The wife says, “Oh, yeah! Well Junior dunked the cat down the toilet and the beans burned.”

The fact is they both had a tough day. Wisdom is considerate. Allow your spouse to be tired without having to say, “Well, I'm more tired that you are”. The fact is, you're both tired.

4. If I’m wise…..I WON'T CRITICIZE YOUR SUGGESTIONS

A wise person can learn from anybody.
· He's not defensive, but open to reason.
· He's not stubborn but willing to listen and learn. “Wisdom is submissive”.

This word submissive really means reasonable, willing to listen, willing to be open to ideas and suggestions. The RSV says, “It's open to reason”. The LB says, “It allows discussion”.

Are you open to suggestions? Or are you like those who say, “Don't confuse me with the facts.” “When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."

Most of us are too oversensitive. If somebody makes a suggestion we take it as a personal criticism and we become very defensive. James says that's dumb. A wise person can learn from anybody.

Proverbs 12:15 “A fool thinks he needs no advice. A wise man listens to others.”
If it's true, listen and learn from it. If it's false, ignore it and forget it. If I'm wise, I'll be open to reason. I won't criticize your suggestions but instead I'll listen to them.

5. If I’m wise…..I WON'T EMPHASIZE YOUR MISTAKES

“Wisdom is full of mercy and good fruit.” Do you jump on people every time they make a mistake? Cut them some slack.

Some people just hound you about your past. If I'm wise, with mercy I'll give you what you need, not what you deserve.

Two long-lost buddies meet at a convention they attended with their wives. The two guys sat in the lobby all night talking. When they realized the time, they knew they’d be in trouble with their wives. The next day they happened to see each other. “What did your wife say?” “I walked in the door and my wife got historical.” “Don't you mean hysterical?” “No, historical. She told me everything I ever did wrong.”

Proverbs 17:9 “Love forgets mistakes. Nagging about them parts even the best of friends.”

If you're wise you don't rub it in, you rub it out. You forget it.

Wisdom is full of mercy and good fruit (kind actions). It's something you do.

You don't just show sympathy. You don't just say, “I feel for you” but you do something about it.

6. If I’m wise…..I WON'T DISGUISE MY OWN WEAKNESSES
A mark of a wise person is they don't try to hide and disguise their own weaknesses.

Proverbs 28:13 “You’ll never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins.” It's dumb to pretend that you have got it all together, because nobody does.

When you start telling people what your weaknesses are they're not going to be shocked because they already know.

To get wisdom you look up.
· Knowledge comes from reason. Wisdom comes from revelation.
· Knowledge is something you learn. Wisdom is a gift.

James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God.”